I wish I someone had told me these words when I was a teenager
Friday, July 19, 2013, ϟ 0 shout(s)
"The more I talk to people and hear about their experiences and compare them with mine, the more convinced I am that people should take a year to two years off between high school and college.
Because let’s be real: you don’t know what you want out of life at seventeen. You don’t have a fucking clue who you are. The amount of people I know who got to college at eighteen and had complete emotional breakdowns is insane, and yet they’re treated as failures. They’re treated as weak because they couldn’t handle it. And that is so beyond unfair and makes me so incredibly angry, I can barely even see straight.
We’re not given time to grow up. The person I was at eighteen and the person I am now at twenty-four are lightyears away from one another—you do so much changing in those years, and yet you’re expected to juggle a crazy schedule and an insane workload and, in many cases, a job on top of it. And people wonder why so many people get out of college and flounder, or end up in jobs they hate living totally unfulfilling lives. Or, in my case, completely flame out from the get-go and end up spending years trying to recover.
If you’re in high school and you’re reading this, I’m going to tell you something I wish more than anything someone had told me when I was in school: not going to college straight out of school does not make you a failure. It does not mean you will never go, or never make anything out of yourself.
What’s important is that you are happy, that you give yourself the chance to grow up and figure out what you really want out of life. Spend a few months screwing around. Get a part-time job, if you don’t have one already. Blow a year or two making some cash and hanging out with your friends and reading books and trying new things. Be a fucking kid for a while, and then sort your shit out.
You do not need to have your life together before you’re twenty-five. Most people don’t, even the ones who do go to college right off the bat—sometimes especially the ones who do go to college right off the bat.
Fuck your parents. Fuck your teachers. You are important. Your worth comes from your experiences and your thoughts and your actions, not your GPA. Not your shitty job. And don’t you fucking dare let anyone make you think otherwise.
-Written by luciferious of Tumblr.
I wish I had the strength and the wisdom back then that it was okay to fail and not to pressure myself to be one of the 'best'. School ruined me. A lot. And don't tell me it was my fault. I tried my very best everyday that I got so stressed that I had a breakdown when I was only 13 or 14 but I didn't allow myself to stop for a while because I know the stigma of having depression and having a low grade in school. Maybe it was pride, maybe I just can't accept that a previous honor student from nursery to grade 6 can't even get into the top 5 or top 10 anymore.
My self hate that I am not what I used to be in school continued until college. I admit I already know what I want but I wished I had the chance to take a rest, to sort things out, to know if my chosen course is what I really want. I don't want to say that I regret taking up Journalism but then a part of me keeps bugging me, making me think on how I wasted my college life in that school, with those professors and minor subjects that didn't really matter. If I really had the knowledge back then, I might have taken Literature or Creative Writing and also a short Paralegal program.
Some people might suggest that I shall study again. The sad thing is I don't want to go back to school anymore. My goal right now is to have the job I really want even though it is not related to my course.
Labels: ramblings
Hiatus
Tuesday, July 16, 2013, ϟ 0 shout(s)
I haven't written anything but fanfictions of my idols. I don't know when will I be able to continue and finish writing my latest and original manuscript.
Being depressed suck.
Enchanted Hearts. My first PHR novel.
Friday, June 21, 2013, ϟ 0 shout(s)
Synopsis:
Isang assignment sa trabaho ang nagdala kay Mei sa
malaparaisong bayan ng Majayjay. Dahil likas na mapagmahal sa kalikasan,
humanga siya sa kagandahan ng lugar. At bukod sa magagandang tanawin ay
nakilala rin niya si Seth. Tila nabatubalani siya nang unang masilayan niya ang
lalaki na may mga matang nakakalunod kung tumitig. Sira nga lang ang pantasya niya
dahil may-pagkamasungit ito. Pero hindi rin naman niya magawang tuluyang mainis
dito. Dahil sa mga kamalasang inabot niya sa Majayjay ay naroon ito para
tulungan siya. Hanggang sa matagpuan niya ang sariling nahuhulog na ang loob
dito. Gustong-gusto niyang makasama ito at mukhang ganoon din ang gusto nito.
Pero hindi sila puwedeng magsama. Dahil pagkatapos niyang malaman ang tungkol
sa nakaraan nito ay kailangan niyang pakawalan ito para na rin sa ikabubuti
nito.
Ang masasabi ko tungkol sa first novel ko na ito...
Sobrang baduy at corny niya, like EWW. Hindi ko talaga siya binasa ulit pagkatapos kong ipasa sa editors dahil nga nababaduyan ako. Kung totoong anak ko ito matagal ko nang tinakwil to (ang sama kong nanay). Pero inaamin ko, kinilig ako ng todo nun ginagawa ko ito kaya siguro ganun na lang reaction ko nung ineedit ko na at napansin ko kung gaano nga siya kabaduy at ka-corny.
Obligatory Self-Introduction
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It's already 4:28 AM and I am so bored with my life so I started making a blog here in blogger.com. I know that I will not be able to post here often because I already frequent my other blogs but then I realized that maybe I can use this blog to
So...how to start this self-intro.
I am Estella Meredith, 22, years old, struggling writer, novelist wannabe, jobless bum and an extreme fangirl. I used to be an extreme fan of Arashi and Hey! Say! JUMP. They will always be special to me of course. I've been an Arashi fan for seven years now and I've known Hey! Say! JUMP since they debuted back in 2007 but then they lost their appeal for me since I started loving SMAP. Ah, SMAP. Don't get me started with SMAP.
I used to adore and worship anime but I stopped watching them. I can't clearly explain the reason but there are anime out there that I will love forever like Fullmetal Alchemist, AnoHana (whole title is too long, so lazy to search it and paste it here), Another, Rurouni Kenshin and Fushigi Yuugi. I read some manga too like Parfait♥Tic, Oboreru Knife, Watashi ni xx Shinasai! and Kagerou Days.
I love reading and watching horror stuff. I had also read a lot of horror manga and Junji Ito is my favorite horror mangaka. Don't get me wrong, I may love horror but I get scared easily when night comes and I am the only one awake. Actually, I can't sleep alone in a dark room. I am afraid of a lot of things like spiders, heights, and getting on in an airplane.
I am more hooked now in japanese dramas, especially those dramas where Kimura Takuya was the lead. I am also currently addicted to british shows like Sherlock and Doctor Who. I also love Supernatural and I am trying to finish it until Season 8 before it will come out of hiatus.
I have also written a lot of fanfictions of my favorite pairing in Fullmetal Alchemist and also my favorite idols' non-existent love lives.Well, I don't know if I can say that I am really passionate when it comes to writing. I love writing, yes and it's my dream to become a writer (alongside dreaming to become a scientist) since I was in elementary but I am a very lazy person and I hate being pressured when it comes to the things that I love. I only write when I want to. I am afraid when it comes to being pressured into writing because I may hate it one day and I never want that to happen.
I planned to take Biochemistry or anything related to a science course in college but then something happened during my high school days so I ended up taking Journalism. I don't want to say that I regret taking that course and going to that university because I met my wonderful college friends there but then a part of me keeps telling me that I should have taken a course like Creative Writing or Literature and I should have gone to a better university.
It's been a year and two months now since I graduated but I still don't have a stable job. I was almost hired four times already but the universe must hate me so much because some events always happens whenever those jobs are within my grasp.
My dream job is to work in a library or a bookstore. I don't care if the salary is just enough for me. I want to live simply. I dream of having a small apartment that I will fill with books.
I love reading so much. When I was a child, I was so book deprived that I started reading textbooks with stories in them. I even put them in stacks and created my imaginary library. I also used to read magazines and comics like K-Zone, W.I.T.C.H., Monster Allergy and Culture Crash. It was only when I was in college that I was able to collect so many english novels and tagalog romance pocketbooks.
I didn't know that I will get so addicted in reading those tagalog pocketbooks because for me, they are corny and so baduy that they will just make me shiver in disgust BUT THEN, when my cousin's girlfriend started renting pocketbooks in a nearby computer shop, I got so curious so I read a couple of books and I got hook right away. I was in second year high school back then...oh wait, I can't remember who really got me into reading tagalog pocketbooks. All I remember is my some of my friends are bringing their pocketbooks in school and we read them secretly during our Filipino subject.
I can say that I became a writer of PHR by accident. I send my manuscript a year ago as a joke to myself. I never expected that I will be able to finish one and that it will get accepted. Of course, I am so happy that I will finally have a published story it's just that I was also gripped by an extreme fear and embarrassment by that fact. My second and third novels were also accepted immediately. My fourth one got unlucky. But I am trying my best to finish my fifth.
I don't know where this writing business will get me but I hope I will be able to continue writing stories no matter what.
(I might add things here from time to time. I am so sorry kung sobrang haba at paulit-ulit lang pinagsasasabi ko dito at kung mali-mali grammar. Antok na talaga ako at tinatamad akong iedit siya. Di ko rin alam kung bakit ako nageenglish, omg 5:53 AM na)
First post is a rant post
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Darn, it's so hard to choose a simple yet nice blog skin.
Labels: first post, ramblings
new past